Category: Personal Reflection

I recently went on a relaxing vacation with my wife.  But getting out of town was anything but relaxing.  I was at work at 4:30 AM the day before our trip to get things done; I was calling and emailing on the drive to the airport to calm client concerns.  Why was I so crazed leading up to a time of rest and relaxation.  Was it because I felt guilty about going on vacation?  Nope.  Was it because I wanted to make sure my clients were taken care of?  Sure, but I have an awesome team who’s capable of doing that in my absence.  Was it because of bad time management?  Absolutely!

Good time management is an essential part of life, especially with juggling multiple facets of life like jobs, kids, family, and vacations.  We all know this, but forgetting the obvious can be all too easy.  My friend Spencer once directed me to a great lecture on time management by Randy Pausch.  Mr. Pausch was a professor diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer in 2006 and given 3 to 6 months of good health at the time. He also wrote a New-York Times best-seller called “The Last Lecture,” and passed away in July 2008.  His down-to-earth perspective is something everyone can connect with, and I would encourage you to either pick up his book or listen to his audio lectures.  Feeling a need for inspiration and improvement on time-management, I listened to the lecture almost immediately.

The message had an instant positive impact on me.  I adopted little suggestions Randy made like having two computer screens at your workstation and removing the annoying envelope icon that pops up whenever a new email arrives.  These two things have vastly improved my daily time management at the office.  But, over time, I’ve lost the over-arching message: time is valuable, and you must “spend” it wisely.

Many of us are smart with our money.  We know where it goes, we have goals for it, and we spend it wisely.  We need to apply these same adages to our time.  Life is short and much too demanding to spend our time inefficiently.

We all need little reminders to improve our time management.  Like a preacher reads his Bible more than once, we too need to revisit important messages for our lives.  For me, I will start to make a point of returning to this lecture every so often to keep its meaning fresh.  If you too would like to watch Randy’s lecture on time-management, see it here or download it for free on iTunes.

The old adage “practice what you preach” is sound advice.  Actions always speak louder than words, and no one wants to be preached to when those words are not backed up by supporting actions.  When wanting to teach or share wisdom with others, you must practice what you preach.

I was recently reminded, however, that when wanting to learn from yourself, you must also preach what you practice.  Last week I was invited to be a panelist to discuss referral marketing.  As a professional who has primarily built my business on referrals within a competitive industry and during a difficult market cycle, I was excited to share my insight.

In participating on the panel, “preaching” my practice reinforced to me the most important elements to my business.  I also realized there is room for improvement in my own business on the very things I was suggesting to others.  Simply put, sharing insight with others reminded me to follow my own advice.

We must make sure we’re listening to and applying our words to our own lives.  This is true not just with business practices, but also with our values, faith, and daily habits.  Yes, it can be easier to keep these things to ourselves and not “preach” to anyone, but in doing so we can skirt accountability from ourselves.  If you tend to be introverted with your “practices” (as I am), then challenge yourself to “preach” from time to time.  Don’t preach to be the revered or all-knowing preacher, but rather to encourage self-reflection and reinforcement of your own practices.

The most significant suggestions I gave as a panelist emphasized the importance of actively asking for referrals and regularly describing the impact referrals have on your business; I was preaching what I practice.  I realized, however, it has been some time since I’ve done that with my own clientele.  You surely know my business grows from your referrals, and for that I am incredibly grateful & fortunate.  Through your referrals I am able to focus on serving my clients rather than devoting resources to marketing and making new contacts.  I get to spend my time on you, and do a superior job as both a mortgage consultant and REALTOR. 

The real estate industry has changed dramatically, and it has become even more paramount for people to find a trustworthy, knowledgeable, and devoted consultant when wanting buy, sell, or finance a home.  The current market has also created a perfect storm for home buying and refinancing.  Interest rates below 6%, home prices at decade-low levels, and tax incentives for 1^st time home buyers have made real estate a hot topic in our struggling economy.  You will surely have a conversation with someone in the near future that could benefit from my services.  I encourage you to pass along my contact info in order to help them receive trusted and comprehensive service, to help you so I can keep my focus on my valued clients, and to help me continue to follow my business plan of growing a referral-based business.

Thank you in advance for your referrals, and remember to occasionally preach what you practice in your life.

I once had the privilege of attending a seminar and listening to an interview with Michael Phelps, the most decorated Olympian of all time.  While Phelps epitomizes winning, I most enjoyed his stories of losing.  It reminded me that the greatest opportunities for growth are the times we don’t prevail.

 

Phelps recounted a race several years ago where an Australian, Ian Thorpe, was the heavy favorite and world record holder of the 200-meter freestyle event.  At the time, freestyle was not Phelps’ strongest event, but he wanted to race regardless.  “I had no business being in the pool with him, but I always want to compete against the best,” he said.  Phelps did not win the race, but he learned.  He learned about his competition, he learned about himself.  Losing also gave him more motivation to win.  In 2008 at Beijing, Phelps won the gold in the very same event, clocking a new world record in the process.

 

Some say “you win some, you lose some.” I prefer to say “you win some, you LEARN some.”  Losing happens too often in life for it to be the end result.  The key is to make losing manifest into positive learning.  With this perspective, you always win. 

 

I recently applied for something where I had no business “swimming” in the particular applicant pool.  It required a tremendous amount of work, introspective reflection, and exposure to nay-sayers.  Like most dreams, it was scary to pursue.  While I didn’t win, I learned.  I learned that reaching for a lofty goal never ends in failure, that being your best requires help from the best (i.e. – my wife), and that competing is always better than idling through life.

 

Whether you’re an athlete striving for gold medals or a desk jockey working towards a promotion, we all should be competing.  Most of us aren’t Michael Phelps, however, and we will lose our fair share of races.  But don’t let losing scare you away from competing.  The losses that can fuel your growth will always be more valuable than the victories that feed your ego.

I’ve been getting some pretty good mileage off of Spencer’s “get out there” message.  Last month I encouraged us all to “get out there” in our communities and make a difference.  I had no idea that the message would hit so close to home for me, and that I would be reminded that my idea of community was too small in scope.  Let me explain.

 

Three weeks ago, my wife decided to join a group from our church to go to Cambodia and do service work for an orphanage in desperate need of some facilities improvements.  This type of humanitarian effort is something she has wanted to do for some time, and also embodies how big Mary’s heart is.  She left on Father’s Day and will be there for two weeks.

 

Talk about getting out there!  She is reaching out to her community, which in her eyes is the whole world.  When I consider the word “community” I think Folsom, but Mary is a much worldlier person.  We recently had a discussion about creating a family mission statement, and one of the first things she wanted was the goal of raising “responsible citizens of the world.”

 

“Getting out there” in our communities has a much bigger meaning to me now.  We all should strive to be responsible citizens of the world.  That may mean physically getting out there like Mary, or making concerted efforts to responsibly consume our world’s limited resources, or simply being aware of world issues rather than ignorantly burying our heads in the sand.  Get out there, and become a responsible citizen of our world.

This time of year is perfect for reflection, appreciation, and goal-setting.  As 2007 comes to a close and 2008 rapidly approaches, I can’t think of a timelier topic than a Life To-Do List. 

 

In August of 2006, I wrote about creating a Life To-Do List, and how I believe it’s a tool to help you discover yourself and identify what’s truly important to you.  As you may know, my Life To-Do List is one of the most important internal compasses, other than core moral values, that guide me.  I spent serious time focusing with myself and discussing with Mary the things I really want to see happen in my life, and then I made a list of these aspirations.  Some of the items on my list I wonder if they will ever come true, but I recently realized that when it comes to goals, if you dream it; they will come.  I know it sounds corny, but let me share with you my experiences with my Life To-Do List and encourage you to create your own Life List.

 

Last August, I shared some of the items on my list.  Taking a sailing vacation in the Caribbean and running a marathon were on that list, and they were two major events that I wondered if they’d ever occur.  A sailing trip is quite an expense, and it requires many things to fall perfectly into place for it to happen.  And a marathon…I’ve never been a strong runner so the idea of running 26.2 miles was a distant hope.  I had no substantial plans to tackle either of these goals, but nevertheless, both were things I wanted to see happen in my life, so I thought it couldn’t hurt to put them on the list and see what happens.

 

To make a long story short, Mary & I went sailing in the Caribbean with some of our best friends in June, and I completed my first marathon at the 25^th annual California International Marathon earlier this month.  In one short year, two monumental events that I thought may never happen actually transpired, I believe, simply because I had my internal compass set on the goals that were truly important in my life.

 

 

As you reflect on 2007 and look forward to 2008, I challenge you to dig deep into your soul and identify what you would like to see happen in your life.  Create your own Life To-Do List, and watch how it guides your life in extremely powerful ways.

 

Enjoy your goal-setting process for 2008, and dare to dream big!

In writing this letter, I find myself on the eve of something great.  For the first time since Maddison was born (she’s 21 months now, by the way), Mary and I are going on vacation.  It’s a vacation we have wanted to do for sometime.  In fact, in August 2006 I wrote to you about making a “Things To-Do Before I Die” list, and this vacation was on that list!  We are going to the Caribbean with some of our best friends and bare boat sailing in the British Virgin Islands.

 

Our trip will last a total of 16 days.  I’m sure it will go by in the blink of an eye.  But let me tell you, the thought of this trip has made me walk lighter on my feet for the last 5 months since we made our reservations, and the memories we make will be cherished for years to come.  This 16 day trip has had an impact on me before I’ve even stepped on the plane, and it will continue to do so well after I return.

 

This is true for every great day in our lives.  Our positive experiences influence us well before they arrive and well after they’re over.  Weddings, graduations, vacations, and births of new babies are all anxiously awaited for months, and fondly remembered for years. 

 

Someone once told me to beware of anticipating something too much for I might love the thought of doing something more than the real-life experience.  It would be like waiting and hoping to see a summer blockbuster movie sequel (Spiderman, Shrek, Pirates…take your pick this summer!) ever since the original became your favorite movie of all time.  But, because your expectations were so high for the sequel, you are let down when you finally see it.

 

While I agree with this advice when it comes to movie going, I completely dismiss it in other areas of life.  Our ability to hope for things in the future and to fondly remember the past doesn’t take anything away from the actual experience.  It is rather a way for these brief, marvelous moments to have a longer-lasting affect on our lives.

 

As we all steamroll into a summer that is bound to be full of deeply anticipated and memorable moments, keep this parting thought in mind: great expectations let the future shape your life today; and fond memories let the past enhance your life forever.

Lately I have been fascinated by people’s dreams.  Not the sleeping kind, but the ones we have while we are awake that dare us to become something great.  It is my opinion that our greatest desires define our minds, bodies, and souls. 

 

These dreams and desires, however, can be intimidating and chasing them is much easier said than done.  Most of us allow ourselves to be stripped away from our dreams that seem out of reach as we become consumed by what’s safe, predictable, and conventional.  I want to tell you about someone I know that is a dreamer.  In sharing his story, I hope to inspire you to reach for your dreams.

 

My friend Jordan is a musician and songwriter.  For as long as I’ve known him, he has had dreams.  One of those dreams is to record music as a living.  As you know, this is a very common dream amongst musicians.  But, of all of the talented musicians I have ever known, Jordan is the only one courageous enough to take this dream and put into action. 

 

One of the things about dreams is they are not achieved without obstacles, and this has been the case for Jordan.  After college, when the rest of us were signing up for safe “9-5s,” he sacrificed much by moving down to Southern California to chase his dream.  When no record company signed him on, he created his own record company.  When his first CD became a success amongst a select following but didn’t hit the “big time,” he became determined to write a 2^nd CD.  After nearly 3 years of devoted hard work, this new CD was just released last week. Jordan’s musical accomplishments embody everything dreams are about: desire, bravery, hope, and faith.

 

Jordan’s dream is very much alive, and he is still chasing it.  To me, whether he catches it is not really the point.  It’s the courage, ambition, and confidence that he and other dreamers possess that make witnessing them so inspirational.  As the Chinese proverb says, “it is the journey that is the reward.” 

 

Did you once have a dream you didn’t pursue?  Was it unconventional?  Did people say you couldn’t do it?  Was it too scary to try?  I urge you to forget all of that.  It’s never too late to follow a dream.  Challenge yourself to chase your dreams.  Whether you succeed or fail is immaterial.  The committed journey you experience will help transform you into who you were destined to become.

I’ve been thinking about the children’s story Goldilocks lately.  You remember Goldilocks, don’t you?  She got bored playing in the meadow so she ventured to the bear’s house in the forest.  She tried all of the porridge until she found a bowl that was not too hot or too cold but just right.  Then, she sat in all of the chairs until she found one that was just right.  Then tried out all of the beds until she found one that was just right…

 

The reason I’ve been thinking about that story is because many people have been telling me lately that Maddison, at eight months now, is in a “Goldilocks” period.  She’s not a fussy infant, but not a mobile toddler; she’s just right.  Ironically, these Goldilocks phases are rare in our lives.  Most of us spend our life either looking forward to what’s ahead or looking back to what we’ve lost, thinking that our current situation isn’t quite right.

 

Mary and I were talking about this subject with our great friend Emily several weeks ago.  She said something I hope to soon not forget.  She said, “We have to live life today.  If we’re always hoping for better things in the future, or trying to hang on to things in the past, we never give ourselves a chance to enjoy life here and now.”

 

How true this is!  I’ve found myself looking forward to the days when Mary and I can take Maddison to the zoo, watch her run around in the backyard, and teach her how to wakeboard.  And yet, I’m sure the first time we take her to the zoo she’ll dart off to the monkey cage without us and I’ll reminisce of the days when she cuddled in my arms all day.

 

We all do it.  You’re either looking forward to having more time for yourself once your kids get older, or you’re looking back to the days when you had a closer relationship with your kids.  Or you’re hoping to retire one day with a full pension, or you’re wishing you could trade your retirement years for the health you once had. 

 

Goldilocks, as you recall, wasn’t “just right” for long.  The bears came home, chased her out of their home, and she never returned to the forest.  I suggest we all take Emily’s advice.  Don’t wish for your ideal Goldilocks phase because you’ll miss the great things right in front of you.  Cherish and embrace today, because you can’t go back to yesterday and you can’t control tomorrow.

Did you miss me?  During the time when I’m normally writing my monthly letter to you last month, Mary and I were anxiously awaiting the arrival of our baby girl.  And while we thought pregnancy would never end, the waiting ceased at 3:47 PM on September 2^nd.  Maddison Alexandra Sundermier came screaming into this world as a healthy and beautiful treasure in our lives.  Shortly after Maddison was born, I had an excess of emotions and a shortage on words to describe them.  At that point, a thought I have recently contemplated was answered… 

 

I always thought it humorous that everyone always asks you how much your baby weighs at birth.  Of all things to ask about such a miraculous event, why is the weight so fascinating?  Well, now that I’ve been through the experience myself, I think I know why it is such a classic question (Maddison was 7 pounds & 13 ounces, by the way).

 

Someone once told me a baby is born every six seconds.  I don’t know how accurate that is, but its often enough to make it fairly commonplace.  Yet, when it’s your baby, you feel that it has never happened before.  It’s unprecedented, it’s unbelievable, and it’s an absolute miracle.  The emotions are so intense you can’t describe them.  That’s why I believe those wiser than you know to ask the weight of the baby.  Yes, it’s a safe question, but more importantly it’s also an answer a new parent can communicate.  Everything else is indescribable.  As much as I want to articulate the feelings of being a father, watching Mary be an incredible mother, and witnessing a new life enter this world, but no words can justify them.  Sometimes words just aren’t enough.

 

Think of the last experience you had where words weren’t enough.  Was it a happy time?  Was it a sad time?  Both immense joy and sadness are often difficult to describe.  Its my opinion these indescribable moments are the ones that make us most alive.  How unfortunate that the most monumental times in our lives cannot be adequately shared with others through our words.  But, I guess that’s why we give gifts to those we love, why we take cameras with us on vacations, and why we cry at funerals.  Yes, words are powerful, but they’re very ineffective in describing the most powerful experiences we have as human beings.

Odds are you have been to a wedding recently or plan on attending one later this summer.  It is officially “wedding season,” and what a magical season it is.  I was lucky enough to attend two weddings over Memorial Day weekend as I saw some of my best friends tie the knot.  That weekend reminded me of how special those days are, and I hope you feel the magic at the next wedding you go to in the near future.

 

The weddings I went to were beautiful.  All of the details had been thought out, and being a guest at these weddings made me feel like I was a part of royalty.  It’s almost bittersweet, but picture-perfect weddings have nearly become the norm.  We nearly expect the ceremony to take place in some fairytale location, the wedding cake to look like Martha Stewart herself decorated it, and the flowers to look like they were cut that morning.  Tons of time and money are devoted to the details, which we absolutely enjoy and appreciate as guests.  It’s an honor for a bride and groom and their families to exert so much effort on pleasing their attendants.

 

But that’s not what makes a wedding magical, and that’s not what I enjoy most about them.  I don’t care how great your DJ is or how nice of food you put on my plate, the magic I see and feel is in the eyes of the new couple.  You can see their potential, their love, their commitment, and their excitement.  Those emotions are what a wedding and a new married union is all about.  I was honored to be the best man at one of these weddings, and as the best man you have the best view in the house.  You stand right behind the groom, and get to look straight into the eyes of the bride during the ceremony.  That’s where the magic is.

 

If you’re someone who thinks weddings are boring, or thinks they’re overdone, or thinks they’re a waste of money, you are right in many regards.  But, in my opinion, your perspective is wrong.  Try to look for the good in something, and you’ll find it.  Next time you’re at a wedding, look for the magic.  Stop wondering how much the live orchestra cost, or how long it took to sew the bride’s dress.  Just look into the eyes of the bride and groom, and you’ll see it.  It won’t be hard to find.